So there I was ...

One of my dearest friends jokingly nicknamed a certain coffee shop "Four-bucks." He says they deserve the epithet because it's impossible to make a purchase there without spending at least four bucks.

So there I was, once upon a time on Ventura Boulevard, standing in a ridiculously long Four-bucks line to get my morning fix when the pretentious customer in front of me put on an ostentatious show. Let's start with her order:

"I'll have a grande, nonfat, no whip,

extra hot, two pump mocha,

with an extra shot of espresso

and four pumps of hazelnut."

Please don't get me wrong - I think consumers should get what they want in our capitalist economic system, especially if an affluent customer is willing to pay. What knocked my socks off was the snobbishly condescending manner of patronizing our barista because something in her complex order was not perfect. Indeed, one should get what they paid for no matter the cost but what happened to mutual respect when dealing with one another?

I don't have delusions of grandeur or purport to be special, nor do I bear heroic stories to brag about when someone wants to hear what it was like at the Pentagon on 9/11 or abroad thereafter. However, it's moments like this coffee scene when I recognize I'm no longer who I was before donning a uniform. When exposed to such displays of arrogance something hurts deep within my heart.

Even in the controlled environment of an up-scaled café I cannot escape exposure to conflict when watching someone cause a scene over a cup of coffee. For some reason it simply doesn't register as worthy of such an energetically absurd exhibition of impertinence. As I stood in a safe, well decorated and aromatic environment, I couldn't identify with what was happening. Brothers-in-arms are sacrificing comforts, enduring danger and taking lives to defend The Constitution of the United States of America and our freedom to enjoy life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Meanwhile, some folks coarsely consider themselves the center of our universe while brandishing contemptuous behavior instead of operating with honor.

I often see similar displays (regardless of city or setting) now that I'm "back home." I don't understand what I've returned to and often miss being surrounded by those with a common bond who support each other regardless of race, sex or creed.

Shadow Box

Commanding my mind, I gave my heart to

search and experience all things under Heaven.

Then I looked at the works my hands wrought and

committed my soul to embrace wickedness of folly.

"Man is the animal who deals in that

atrocity of atrocities, War. He's the only

one that gathers his brethren about and

goes forth in cold blood with calm pulse to

exterminate his kind. He's the only animal

that for sordid wages will march out and

help to slaughter strangers who've done no

harm and with whom he has no quarrel."

- Mark Twain

Trained, focused, devout - I'd set forth to serve,

but was no match for the dark violence of humanity.

Home now bears little comfort, safety or belonging.

Though thanked for serving I'm ostracized by wounds.

Yet what can one do after that which is done?

As a child I spoke, thought and reasoned like a child.

In wisdom came grief and knowledge delivered sorrow.

Now I see, better than a beginning of things is an end.

Before and After

Before ...

"Do your duty in all things.

You cannot do more, and

should never wish to do less."

- Robert E. Lee

... after.

For those who fought for it,

freedom has a flavor

the protected will never know.